Out of pure frustration and a seething sense of betrayal. I am gonna say a few words about hurting a woman's feelings. I'm gonna speak from my own experience.
My mom always told me to choose my battles... meaning that i can't throw all my emotional effort into every little injustice. i carry those words with me so sometimes when someone i care about hurts my feelings, especially if its unintentional, i do my best to let it slide and get over it. Theres no need to make both of us feel bad over something that was just a thoughtless mistake.
But i'm a woman who finds it hard to hide her feelings.... really hard. so even when i am trying to not make a big deal over something, something i dont want to 'battle' with, most of the time the other person (usually a guy) can still tell i'm upset.
so the first thing he does is ask if i'm upset. The last thing i'll ever be called is a liar, so i answer. the inevitable second question goes like 'is it something i did?' at which point i answer honestly and simply explain that i dont like to pick over small things and if you dont mind dropping the subject we can squash it, NSA.
to which the reply is, inevitably, something like 'no, i'd rather know'. after which i generally offer a clear and concise explination of what happened, why it hurt my feelings, why i know its either not your fault or not a big deal, and why we really dont need to talk about it any further.
to which the reply is, inevitably, a pile of explanations as to why things went down the way they did, what was going through his mind, where he was coming from at that point in time, why it isn't really his fault (usually a different reason than i gave).
so whats missing? besides the entirely predictable nature of these exchanges, it sounds like a perfectly rational conversation between two relatively mature human beings.
the thing that gets me every single last time is that, after all that, after i asked to drop it, after you pressured me into talking to you about it, and after i have to listen to your list of reasons and excuses and rationalities. After all that and usually after aknowledging that you can understand how i feel..
inevitably
not a single guy has said hes sorry. and i won't get into why i think that is right now. i will just say that it happens every time and if you're a guy reading this and going 'wow, i've been there,' next time, even if you dont really get where im coming from, offer your girl an apology. sometimes it makes things all better.
27 July 2006
03 June 2006
What i think about the Bible
I've always been a Christian. After coming to college, leaving my church home, and reading the autobiography of Malcom X (that book will make you reconsider Christianity), my faith changed drastically. Before that, though, I was very knowledgeable, full of faith. I was the youngest Trustee ever at my church. I was also the youngest missionary. I served on committees as a full-fledged member planning events and making decisions about things like new choir directors and annual events and payrates for new pastors. Christianity was a huge part of my life and I was well respected for my devotion and informed, Bible-based opinions.
But, like I said, some things have changed. I am still a well-studied Christian woman. I have read the entire new testament more than once and the less boring books of the old testament (I recommend this. If you are going to claim a faith, you have to fully understand the basis). I am more of a Bible scholar now, though, than what is typically considered a church-going Christian. Many of the rituals are no longer a part of my life, my faith has diminished greatly, and I must admit that my relationship with God is sparse. Nonetheless, I do know a lot from the 15 or so years I spent studying my faith and being immersed in it.
so I sat down to write about what I think about the Bible. I recently gave a close friend some important Bible-based advice. Hearing these sorts of words from me is not something that the people close to me really can ever expect, so I think he was a little thrown off by the conversation. But, despite how my ideas have changed, I still know a whole lot. I just use that knowledge in a different way.
I think that the Bible is an amazing book. It was written by a group of individuals who had studied law, history, religion, philosophy, literature, and more importantly life. There are so many useful instructions with which to govern society. Things like "treat others as you would like to be treated" and "don't sleep with your sister" (someone had to tell us, apparently). Its a combination of the efforts of many scholars spanning many years... The equivalent of a text book today. And I approach it as such. I still believe in Jesus, I have not renounced my religion. But when I offer wisdom from the Bible, its not because I expect the listener to believe in Jesus or that I think they are Christians or should be, its because I know what went into that book. I know that the information has immense utility and relevance. Even if you think the stories are just that, "stories", if you consider the origin of those stories there is no need to dismiss them because they come from a religious text. Many people have referred to the Bible as "Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth", so I guess that's my take on things.
But, like I said, some things have changed. I am still a well-studied Christian woman. I have read the entire new testament more than once and the less boring books of the old testament (I recommend this. If you are going to claim a faith, you have to fully understand the basis). I am more of a Bible scholar now, though, than what is typically considered a church-going Christian. Many of the rituals are no longer a part of my life, my faith has diminished greatly, and I must admit that my relationship with God is sparse. Nonetheless, I do know a lot from the 15 or so years I spent studying my faith and being immersed in it.
so I sat down to write about what I think about the Bible. I recently gave a close friend some important Bible-based advice. Hearing these sorts of words from me is not something that the people close to me really can ever expect, so I think he was a little thrown off by the conversation. But, despite how my ideas have changed, I still know a whole lot. I just use that knowledge in a different way.
I think that the Bible is an amazing book. It was written by a group of individuals who had studied law, history, religion, philosophy, literature, and more importantly life. There are so many useful instructions with which to govern society. Things like "treat others as you would like to be treated" and "don't sleep with your sister" (someone had to tell us, apparently). Its a combination of the efforts of many scholars spanning many years... The equivalent of a text book today. And I approach it as such. I still believe in Jesus, I have not renounced my religion. But when I offer wisdom from the Bible, its not because I expect the listener to believe in Jesus or that I think they are Christians or should be, its because I know what went into that book. I know that the information has immense utility and relevance. Even if you think the stories are just that, "stories", if you consider the origin of those stories there is no need to dismiss them because they come from a religious text. Many people have referred to the Bible as "Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth", so I guess that's my take on things.
11 May 2006
direction
i am a fiercely independent woman. fiercely. i judge myself by my own standards. i make my own decisions. its what i do. and independence is extremely important to me in so many ways.
and besidese myself, my parents are the most influential people in my life. how they feel, what they say, do, or think are the only outside influences i generally consider when choosing things for myself, if i consider anything outside myself at all.
i have come to an important point in my life. i am graduating from college in a little over 30 days from now. its so scary to me, though, and i am starting to realize why. it has to do with direction.
my parents were able to guide me up to this point....
here i want to mention that i greatly admire my mother in particular. over the years she had truly become my best friend and out of everyone i am sure that she knows me the best.
like i said, my parents, especially my mom, were able to guide me up to this point. my entire life i was expressly told that i would go to college (for something scientific) and i would graduate... but then what? everyone seems to expect great things of me. my parents, my community. but noone can tell me what it is... i guess its not really their job to. but i am under a lot of pressure and i am very confused.
this is where the direction thing comes in. when my father was my age he had already dropped out of drexel (the university i attend) and had taken a job. when my mother was my age she had already been married for a year. she was about to graduate temple with a degree in architecture and really probably had less direction than i do now.
so my parents cannot tell me what to do. they cant offer me advice. they cant regale me with anecdotes about when they applied to grad school or when they found their dream job because neither has done either. they cant even relate to me on the level of being a single girl with a fierce independent streak trying to make a place for herself, trying to grow up on her own; my father for obvious reasons, and my mother because she never really was on her own, she moved from her parents home into a home with my father, she especially cannot understand me.
so i feel like i lack direction. i feel like all my parents have to offer me are warnings and regrets. warnings about the mistakes they made, regrets over the opportunities that have since passed them by. as all parents, mine want me to lead a better more fulfilled life than they had the chance to, but they cannot explain to me exactly how to go about such a thing, and i cannot seem to figure it out on my own.
grad school?
work force?
what do i want to do with the rest of my life?
i honestly wish i knew, or had someone to tell me.
and besidese myself, my parents are the most influential people in my life. how they feel, what they say, do, or think are the only outside influences i generally consider when choosing things for myself, if i consider anything outside myself at all.
i have come to an important point in my life. i am graduating from college in a little over 30 days from now. its so scary to me, though, and i am starting to realize why. it has to do with direction.
my parents were able to guide me up to this point....
here i want to mention that i greatly admire my mother in particular. over the years she had truly become my best friend and out of everyone i am sure that she knows me the best.
like i said, my parents, especially my mom, were able to guide me up to this point. my entire life i was expressly told that i would go to college (for something scientific) and i would graduate... but then what? everyone seems to expect great things of me. my parents, my community. but noone can tell me what it is... i guess its not really their job to. but i am under a lot of pressure and i am very confused.
this is where the direction thing comes in. when my father was my age he had already dropped out of drexel (the university i attend) and had taken a job. when my mother was my age she had already been married for a year. she was about to graduate temple with a degree in architecture and really probably had less direction than i do now.
so my parents cannot tell me what to do. they cant offer me advice. they cant regale me with anecdotes about when they applied to grad school or when they found their dream job because neither has done either. they cant even relate to me on the level of being a single girl with a fierce independent streak trying to make a place for herself, trying to grow up on her own; my father for obvious reasons, and my mother because she never really was on her own, she moved from her parents home into a home with my father, she especially cannot understand me.
so i feel like i lack direction. i feel like all my parents have to offer me are warnings and regrets. warnings about the mistakes they made, regrets over the opportunities that have since passed them by. as all parents, mine want me to lead a better more fulfilled life than they had the chance to, but they cannot explain to me exactly how to go about such a thing, and i cannot seem to figure it out on my own.
grad school?
work force?
what do i want to do with the rest of my life?
i honestly wish i knew, or had someone to tell me.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)