Its not easy being single

I know i said i would stop posting about my love life (and/or the lack thereof) but i am going to even this one out with another post about something else.

Being single is hard. I see why people dont do it that often. Sometimes i wonder why we get into relationships at all. Why do we even bother with the stresses of creating an exclusive relationship with one person. Then i end up single again and i remember: dating is hard and complicated, meeting people and getting to know someone new is difficult and frustrating, flirting is risky. Everything about dating is inconsistent and poorly defined, especially at the beginning.

I do still love my ex, but its been over a month and i am starting to come to terms with the fact that we may just not get back together. Or that if we do it may be a long time from now. So i am starting to explore my options and as i am doing so i am running into a number of problems.

First, i went out the other night with my girl friend. Back when i was committed i didnt go to a lot of parties without my BF. Dancing with other guys kinda felt like cheating and i didnt like it. The problem is that it still does. I dont want anyones hands on me, i dont want to be all close to strange men. So its hard to go to a club and even have a good time.

Second, i forgot how to flirt. Theres a guy that i am pretty sure is interested in me, and i would like to get to know him better. The problem here is that, after being with one man for over two years, i dont even know what to say to someone in that respect. My vocabulary when it comes to flirting basically consists of "No" and "I have a boyfriend, sorry" or "back off! i am with someone", then the always effective walking away. Besides the fact that i am pretty shy, if i was forward enough to try to ask him out or something, i wouldnt even know what to say to him besides "get in the damn car, we are goin out now". I am sure thats not how its supposed to sound.

Then theres that great fear of rejection. Or the possibility that the person you are out with is completely insane. You just never know. Its such an emotional strain to be in such an inconsistent state. I feel like a divorcee whos pathetically floundering attempts to rejoin the dating pool are just making them look sad and pathetic. Like a fishout of water. And its a lot like that. I used to live in a nice cozy little pond, and now i am tossed into some crazy raging rapids or something. Thats a stupid analogy. See, being single makes you bad writer too. All this is to say, if you are tryin to decide between being single and beinga couple, go with the second one cus its just freakin easier.