Part 1

This is the first part in a trilogy: the right to be selfish, allowing myself to not, and extroversion. Its another self-inspection sort of thing about how I have changed. I know its monotonous, but at this point in my life, I value these self-assessments.

The right to be selfish: As a woman, a black woman no less, I have come to accept what is handed to me and do the best with it. That’s not the only reason, but I think it’s a big part. Its who I am (or was) really. Make the best of a bad situation, don’t make too many ripples. I think a lot of women behave this way, just off my observations. And I have to say I hate it. I have always hated it. Its easy at first, but when you look back on all the things you’ve given up for god knows what reason, you start to think. I have always been amazed and some peoples’ sense of self-entitlement. For instance: I have a close guy friend who I’ve known since high school. He needed a place to stay for a while while he saved up money for an apartment, so I let him stay with me. First of all, I told him at the beginning that he had a month to get himself together, and he hadn’t even started looking at places till a month and two weeks later. Secondly, when he moved in he made a big deal about how he would be a better squatter than my last one, about how he would clean up and help me out around the house. I am unpleased to report that that behavior lasted about three weeks. So he finally moves out. Not a single word of thanks the whole time, no appreciation. Then I am going on vacation for a week and I need someone to watch my cats. He offers to take them in and I bring em over with everything they need and come get em back when I get home. I see him again a couple days later and he has the nerve to tell me I should pay him for watching my cats!! Mind you, I lent this boi money months ago to get a tattoo, money he said he would repay me in two weeks, $25 of which he still owes me at this point. I was dumbfounded.

In my experience, all guys are like this. Maybe not to this exrtent, but they are raised to believe that they deserve the things they get and when they work, they deserve a reward. They are also conditioned to believe that if someone doesn’t ask for a reward or any thanks, then they don’t deserve it. I cant knock guys for how they act, I really cant. Its not even their fault, we are living in a male-dominated society, who can blame them for thinking they own the world, they kinda do! And you know what they say, if you cant beat em… so I have turned over a new leaf. I have a rigbt to be selfish too. Even moreso because most of the time I do deserve the things I ask for. I work hard to get what I want, I treat the people I care about as best I possibly can, I will give whatever I can to help a friend out. That’s me. But, it’s a man’s world and being giving and loving all the time isn’t gonna get you anywhere or any-damn-thing. So, take what you want when it comes your way, ask for what you think you deserve, no matter how absurd. Look out for number one because no matter how hard you try not to believe it, you are the only person who’s going to do so. That’s real, girls… believe it.