measuring up

i have become a true advocate of spending time alone. because of the shortage of loot, absence of a significant other, and a serious committment to getting to know myself as well as possible before this whole college thing comes to an end, i decided a couple months ago that i would spend at least one weekend night each week at home, by myself. i think a lot in this time; usually do a lot of sleeping and cleaning and reading.

I was thinking about peoples roles in each other's lives, and those lives in general. I have concluded that a big part of a lot of things we do has to do with measuring up our lives. We want a some sort of standard for comparison. We want someone else's perspective. When i spend these nights alone, committed to a certain degree of isolation, like i said i think a lot, and after all that thinking, i usually get a strong urge to call someone. I want to run these ideas past another person, but that is not what introspection is all about. I think that we crave this contact to sort of check up on how we are doing. I believe that a lot of things, outside conversation, cater to this need. Take television for example. There are a million dramas, comedies, and sitcoms to choose from. Each depicting someone's 'normal' everyday life. Why would this entertain us? Sometimes it is funny, sometimes its emotional or suspenseful, but mostly its a grounds for comparison. We can measure up our relationship troubles against someone on television and see within a half hour how they handled the situation. We can be warned of the negative consequences of certain behaviors before we had even decided to do them. We can see a dozen examples of situations we face in our own lives, played out on television, with a dozen different outcomes, in the span of a single night.

this is probably why i prefer to watch cartoons. but, nonetheless, i have always been a person who shunned standards. i dont measure myself by anyone else's standards but my own. If i am happy and i feel good in my heart, then i am doing fine, no matter what anyone else has to say. And i guess this is why i am advocating spending time alone. Even with all the effort i put into being my own person, it is hard to break the habit of wanting someone else to evaluate my life. Alone time allows you to build these personal standards, to decide what sort of person you want to be. Then it gives you the time to actually work towards that goal. I think that if you fill all your time with other people, you will find yourself always comparing, always evaluating, but never really making any progress.

So, i suppose all that is to say, even though its hard, its probably a good idea to committ some time for yourself, to avoid those things that can compell you to measure your life against something else, and to really think and evaluate your life based on you.

And if you cant handle it, watch TV (alone).

That has been my personal piece advocating my personal cause. and, before anyone says it, i realize that my blog is catering to my need to be evaluated by others. i said a degree of isolation, not a night of hermitage!