I've always been a Christian. After coming to college, leaving my church home, and reading the autobiography of Malcom X (that book will make you reconsider Christianity), my faith changed drastically. Before that, though, I was very knowledgeable, full of faith. I was the youngest Trustee ever at my church. I was also the youngest missionary. I served on committees as a full-fledged member planning events and making decisions about things like new choir directors and annual events and payrates for new pastors. Christianity was a huge part of my life and I was well respected for my devotion and informed, Bible-based opinions.
But, like I said, some things have changed. I am still a well-studied Christian woman. I have read the entire new testament more than once and the less boring books of the old testament (I recommend this. If you are going to claim a faith, you have to fully understand the basis). I am more of a Bible scholar now, though, than what is typically considered a church-going Christian. Many of the rituals are no longer a part of my life, my faith has diminished greatly, and I must admit that my relationship with God is sparse. Nonetheless, I do know a lot from the 15 or so years I spent studying my faith and being immersed in it.
so I sat down to write about what I think about the Bible. I recently gave a close friend some important Bible-based advice. Hearing these sorts of words from me is not something that the people close to me really can ever expect, so I think he was a little thrown off by the conversation. But, despite how my ideas have changed, I still know a whole lot. I just use that knowledge in a different way.
I think that the Bible is an amazing book. It was written by a group of individuals who had studied law, history, religion, philosophy, literature, and more importantly life. There are so many useful instructions with which to govern society. Things like "treat others as you would like to be treated" and "don't sleep with your sister" (someone had to tell us, apparently). Its a combination of the efforts of many scholars spanning many years... The equivalent of a text book today. And I approach it as such. I still believe in Jesus, I have not renounced my religion. But when I offer wisdom from the Bible, its not because I expect the listener to believe in Jesus or that I think they are Christians or should be, its because I know what went into that book. I know that the information has immense utility and relevance. Even if you think the stories are just that, "stories", if you consider the origin of those stories there is no need to dismiss them because they come from a religious text. Many people have referred to the Bible as "Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth", so I guess that's my take on things.
03 June 2006
11 May 2006
direction
i am a fiercely independent woman. fiercely. i judge myself by my own standards. i make my own decisions. its what i do. and independence is extremely important to me in so many ways.
and besidese myself, my parents are the most influential people in my life. how they feel, what they say, do, or think are the only outside influences i generally consider when choosing things for myself, if i consider anything outside myself at all.
i have come to an important point in my life. i am graduating from college in a little over 30 days from now. its so scary to me, though, and i am starting to realize why. it has to do with direction.
my parents were able to guide me up to this point....
here i want to mention that i greatly admire my mother in particular. over the years she had truly become my best friend and out of everyone i am sure that she knows me the best.
like i said, my parents, especially my mom, were able to guide me up to this point. my entire life i was expressly told that i would go to college (for something scientific) and i would graduate... but then what? everyone seems to expect great things of me. my parents, my community. but noone can tell me what it is... i guess its not really their job to. but i am under a lot of pressure and i am very confused.
this is where the direction thing comes in. when my father was my age he had already dropped out of drexel (the university i attend) and had taken a job. when my mother was my age she had already been married for a year. she was about to graduate temple with a degree in architecture and really probably had less direction than i do now.
so my parents cannot tell me what to do. they cant offer me advice. they cant regale me with anecdotes about when they applied to grad school or when they found their dream job because neither has done either. they cant even relate to me on the level of being a single girl with a fierce independent streak trying to make a place for herself, trying to grow up on her own; my father for obvious reasons, and my mother because she never really was on her own, she moved from her parents home into a home with my father, she especially cannot understand me.
so i feel like i lack direction. i feel like all my parents have to offer me are warnings and regrets. warnings about the mistakes they made, regrets over the opportunities that have since passed them by. as all parents, mine want me to lead a better more fulfilled life than they had the chance to, but they cannot explain to me exactly how to go about such a thing, and i cannot seem to figure it out on my own.
grad school?
work force?
what do i want to do with the rest of my life?
i honestly wish i knew, or had someone to tell me.
and besidese myself, my parents are the most influential people in my life. how they feel, what they say, do, or think are the only outside influences i generally consider when choosing things for myself, if i consider anything outside myself at all.
i have come to an important point in my life. i am graduating from college in a little over 30 days from now. its so scary to me, though, and i am starting to realize why. it has to do with direction.
my parents were able to guide me up to this point....
here i want to mention that i greatly admire my mother in particular. over the years she had truly become my best friend and out of everyone i am sure that she knows me the best.
like i said, my parents, especially my mom, were able to guide me up to this point. my entire life i was expressly told that i would go to college (for something scientific) and i would graduate... but then what? everyone seems to expect great things of me. my parents, my community. but noone can tell me what it is... i guess its not really their job to. but i am under a lot of pressure and i am very confused.
this is where the direction thing comes in. when my father was my age he had already dropped out of drexel (the university i attend) and had taken a job. when my mother was my age she had already been married for a year. she was about to graduate temple with a degree in architecture and really probably had less direction than i do now.
so my parents cannot tell me what to do. they cant offer me advice. they cant regale me with anecdotes about when they applied to grad school or when they found their dream job because neither has done either. they cant even relate to me on the level of being a single girl with a fierce independent streak trying to make a place for herself, trying to grow up on her own; my father for obvious reasons, and my mother because she never really was on her own, she moved from her parents home into a home with my father, she especially cannot understand me.
so i feel like i lack direction. i feel like all my parents have to offer me are warnings and regrets. warnings about the mistakes they made, regrets over the opportunities that have since passed them by. as all parents, mine want me to lead a better more fulfilled life than they had the chance to, but they cannot explain to me exactly how to go about such a thing, and i cannot seem to figure it out on my own.
grad school?
work force?
what do i want to do with the rest of my life?
i honestly wish i knew, or had someone to tell me.
24 April 2006
outlets
i dont know if this blog will still serve a purpose in my life. under the tutelege of my mentor i have found a number of different outlets in which to express myself. i am a more effective verbal communicator and have improved on organizing my thoughts when i speak, and also on taking risks and speaking up instead of holding back. my writing has improved and i have written a number of poems. also, i started on a story... a piece of fiction. i just finished it a couple hours ago. i had been working on it for months.
i have to say that writing a story is the most amazing thing. the experience goes so far beyond putting the pen to paper. i was able to write down my past, present, and future. my hopes, and fears. in a piece of fiction, there is so much of ME in it. i was just astounded. my hand seemed posessed as the characters found their own voices and spoke and the settings seemed to choose and describe themselves. i feel like if i had known it was like this i would have been writing fiction for years now (as it stands, this is the first piece i have ever written). its kind of like a happy lucid dream, where you are in control in a way, but not and everything seems way too real.
anyhow. this is a brief explination of why my blog has been out of commission for so long. its partially because between school and work the past few months i have hardly had time to think, much less write. and also because i dont have thoughts that sort of just steep in my mind anymore. now i let them out one way or another.... but who knows how long this will last
i have to say that writing a story is the most amazing thing. the experience goes so far beyond putting the pen to paper. i was able to write down my past, present, and future. my hopes, and fears. in a piece of fiction, there is so much of ME in it. i was just astounded. my hand seemed posessed as the characters found their own voices and spoke and the settings seemed to choose and describe themselves. i feel like if i had known it was like this i would have been writing fiction for years now (as it stands, this is the first piece i have ever written). its kind of like a happy lucid dream, where you are in control in a way, but not and everything seems way too real.
anyhow. this is a brief explination of why my blog has been out of commission for so long. its partially because between school and work the past few months i have hardly had time to think, much less write. and also because i dont have thoughts that sort of just steep in my mind anymore. now i let them out one way or another.... but who knows how long this will last
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)