Feeling super-blah

I am really effected by the weather. When its sunny i feel good and when its cloudy i feel crappy and its cloudy out right now. I found out recently that i may have bipolar disorder, and this sensitivity to weather changes is one of my symptoms. Ten percent of all people diagnosed with bipolar disorder die of suicide. %50 of all people diagnosed develop more severe psychological disorders later in life. I am not diagnosed, i just thought these statics were pretty interesting. It interests me that a disease can increases your chances of death at your own hand. It turns out that a lot of psychological disorders have that same effect and usually medical treatment doesnt help, but counseling does.

So anyway, i told my mom when it was suggested that i may be bipolar. My mom was naturally concerned. She directed me to this really interesting study about underrepresented minority students, particularly black women, and psychological ailments in the college years. I wish i had the paper now to link you to, but she pinted it out for me so i dont know where she got it. Anyhow, this study showed that there were certain very subtle psychological pressures on black women in college that lead them to develop pseudo disorders. Like they suffered from all the symptoms of bipolar disorder, were diagnosed by a doctor and some even administered medication for their problem, for something that wasnt really there. The apparent disorders were temporary having an onset in the early college years and not lasting much after graduation.

Living in todays' world we may not be able to understand how just being a black woman in college can effect your psyche so deeply. I find it humbling to consider that just two generations ago, when my grandparents were my age, they could not attend Drexel University. Just in the 70's when my mom was in high school, they finished the plan for forced integration of schools in the area where i went to high school, they made the richer white school districts bus kids in from the city and vice versa to give meaning in that particular community to the 'separate is not equal' ruling . This is just 30 years ago, right in wilmington delaware.

What i guess i am trying to say is that things have changed a lot in a relatively short period of time. The transformation is not complete (if it were, teh term 'underrepresented' would be gone). The stresses of a changing society is felt in the minds of the minority. For example, many black students do not have the resources at their disposal that their white counterparts have, but they are still expected to succeed on the same level. They may not conciously consider these things, but the stress exists if you want to aknowledge it or not. College is already a really tough environment for everyone, and i am not saying that people are unable to thrive under pressure. Most psychological disorders are modulated by stress. If you cannot identify the stress in your life you cannot work to eliminate it. I am saying that if you are like me and feeling just a little off as the years go by, maybe you should look more closely at the stress in your life.

I donno. I commented on my friend's blog on this topic and got some pretty hostile responses so give me the benefit of the doubt here if you are about to blast me. I am just writing about the things i think about and think are interesting, i am not trying to make any broad statements or offend anyone.