The title sums up my life, but more of the first than the second. Lots of working, lots of hating it, not a lot of romance. Lots of stress, a bit of drama. I promise to start posting more often.
Ok, so at co-op i got in trouble for sending an e-mail that was meant for my freidns to my boss and his boss and his boss and two other researchers by accident. It was like 2 lines and it was part of a running inside joke with my friends at other companies, but they didnt appreciate it at all. I swear, if i get that uptight ever in my life, i want to be shot. So my boss decides to have this meeting with me and it turned out to be all about everything i was doing wrong. First of all, i was hired for a job that i am totallyunqualified for, which is his fault and not mine. So i been trying my best but apparently he is all dissappointed cus he is expecting me to know all this biochemistry and my background is in biomechanics and physical science. But that is getting better. I may quit at the end of the term, but its getting better. He and i were having communication issues and since we worked on that we are both happier. Whats funny though is that me and my friends (3 other girls) e-mail each other all day at work and we write these crazy poems abuot everything. I have them saved to a word file and i will be posting some in my profile so keep an eye out. They are hilarious.
On the romance side.... there isnt much to talk about. I am still single and still dating a couple people, but still in love with the one that broke my heart. I broke my prime dating directive and started dating someone that i already dated in the past. I have a strict rule against recycling relationships. But that is going fine so maybe its a stupid rule.
Other than that my life is just sims and going out with my friend. This past weekend we went out friday and saturday and got out of control drunk both nights which i regret but she is able to laugh off. But its fun to go out with friends and not be thinkin abt some guy at home. So i guess thats the bright side. The thing is that thinking abt that guy at home was what was keeping me in line. He was a good influence. Anyway, that was just an update posting for those who care. I will be posting more in the future, hopefully more regularly also.
26 November 2004
07 November 2004
Its not easy being single
I know i said i would stop posting about my love life (and/or the lack thereof) but i am going to even this one out with another post about something else.
Being single is hard. I see why people dont do it that often. Sometimes i wonder why we get into relationships at all. Why do we even bother with the stresses of creating an exclusive relationship with one person. Then i end up single again and i remember: dating is hard and complicated, meeting people and getting to know someone new is difficult and frustrating, flirting is risky. Everything about dating is inconsistent and poorly defined, especially at the beginning.
I do still love my ex, but its been over a month and i am starting to come to terms with the fact that we may just not get back together. Or that if we do it may be a long time from now. So i am starting to explore my options and as i am doing so i am running into a number of problems.
First, i went out the other night with my girl friend. Back when i was committed i didnt go to a lot of parties without my BF. Dancing with other guys kinda felt like cheating and i didnt like it. The problem is that it still does. I dont want anyones hands on me, i dont want to be all close to strange men. So its hard to go to a club and even have a good time.
Second, i forgot how to flirt. Theres a guy that i am pretty sure is interested in me, and i would like to get to know him better. The problem here is that, after being with one man for over two years, i dont even know what to say to someone in that respect. My vocabulary when it comes to flirting basically consists of "No" and "I have a boyfriend, sorry" or "back off! i am with someone", then the always effective walking away. Besides the fact that i am pretty shy, if i was forward enough to try to ask him out or something, i wouldnt even know what to say to him besides "get in the damn car, we are goin out now". I am sure thats not how its supposed to sound.
Then theres that great fear of rejection. Or the possibility that the person you are out with is completely insane. You just never know. Its such an emotional strain to be in such an inconsistent state. I feel like a divorcee whos pathetically floundering attempts to rejoin the dating pool are just making them look sad and pathetic. Like a fishout of water. And its a lot like that. I used to live in a nice cozy little pond, and now i am tossed into some crazy raging rapids or something. Thats a stupid analogy. See, being single makes you bad writer too. All this is to say, if you are tryin to decide between being single and beinga couple, go with the second one cus its just freakin easier.
Being single is hard. I see why people dont do it that often. Sometimes i wonder why we get into relationships at all. Why do we even bother with the stresses of creating an exclusive relationship with one person. Then i end up single again and i remember: dating is hard and complicated, meeting people and getting to know someone new is difficult and frustrating, flirting is risky. Everything about dating is inconsistent and poorly defined, especially at the beginning.
I do still love my ex, but its been over a month and i am starting to come to terms with the fact that we may just not get back together. Or that if we do it may be a long time from now. So i am starting to explore my options and as i am doing so i am running into a number of problems.
First, i went out the other night with my girl friend. Back when i was committed i didnt go to a lot of parties without my BF. Dancing with other guys kinda felt like cheating and i didnt like it. The problem is that it still does. I dont want anyones hands on me, i dont want to be all close to strange men. So its hard to go to a club and even have a good time.
Second, i forgot how to flirt. Theres a guy that i am pretty sure is interested in me, and i would like to get to know him better. The problem here is that, after being with one man for over two years, i dont even know what to say to someone in that respect. My vocabulary when it comes to flirting basically consists of "No" and "I have a boyfriend, sorry" or "back off! i am with someone", then the always effective walking away. Besides the fact that i am pretty shy, if i was forward enough to try to ask him out or something, i wouldnt even know what to say to him besides "get in the damn car, we are goin out now". I am sure thats not how its supposed to sound.
Then theres that great fear of rejection. Or the possibility that the person you are out with is completely insane. You just never know. Its such an emotional strain to be in such an inconsistent state. I feel like a divorcee whos pathetically floundering attempts to rejoin the dating pool are just making them look sad and pathetic. Like a fishout of water. And its a lot like that. I used to live in a nice cozy little pond, and now i am tossed into some crazy raging rapids or something. Thats a stupid analogy. See, being single makes you bad writer too. All this is to say, if you are tryin to decide between being single and beinga couple, go with the second one cus its just freakin easier.
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