i NEED my TV!

Its pathetic, but i just realized how dependent i have become on television. i sleep with it on, i work with it on, i even read and write with it on (usually the volume is really low). Last night my cable went out, either because i have not paid a bill since i started service three months ago or because there is a service outtage in my area according to Comcast, whatever. It went out in the middle of the night and i could hardly sleep, either because i was 'sharing' a twin-sized blanket on a double-sized bed or because the television wasnt droning on in the background, whatever. And this morning i couldnt get up, either because i didnt have my morning cartoons as motivation or because i had been up to 5am that night, whatever.

the point is, comcast is ruining my life. i get nautious at the thought that i wont get my Star Trek TNG fix this afternoon. And i cannot clean without HGTV to motivate me. I can hardly stay awake without the happy buzzing of a cartoon and i can hardly fall asleep without the flickering light of my television set.

hey, i told you it was pathetic.

free freakin advice

Men. i am gonna give you a tip. this is probably something you have been yelled at, fought with, or even dumped for because i know for a fact that every single male human, young or old, smart or stupid. every man does this and every woman gets pissed off by it (even if she says she isnt).

If you havent figured it out by now, listen (or read) carefully: if you SAY you are gonna CALL a woman at a certain TIME, stop being a buttface and just DO IT. its not complicated. if you are prone to forget, write it on your hand or something. its really really annoying and i personally hate this. Its different if you are like "i'll call you later" or "i'll call you tomorow" is even ok. then if you dont call i am like 'whatever'. But if you're like "i have class till 4 and i will call as soon as i get out" and you just dont bother, thats just rude. As a personal rule, if this happens 3 times, i delete the guy's phone number from my phone (there are actually a number of things that will get a phone number deleted from my phone). But thats just how annoying it is.

my cover letter

My name is Morgan (last name you are gonna mispronounce) and i am graduating in June with a degree in Biomedical Engineering and a minor in Human Factors and Ergonomics. i have a pretty good GPA but i dont like biology or biomedical engineering or anything related to it. I have worked at two of the top pharmeceutical companies in the country but dont call my bosses there because they both hated me. i learned a lot on my co-ops, specifically that i hate working and everything associated with it. i am not very motivated to work for someone else and i have problems with authority. oh, and dont ask me to take out the face piercings cus its just not gonna happen. on that same note, i have 5 tattoos and will be spending the majority of my paycheck for the first few months on a whole bunch more. i dont handle stress well, and i am not a people person. i dont care about your personal life and you just dont want to know about mine. i will only go to lunch with you if you are paying and even then i wont want to talk to you so its pretty much pointless.

i am seeking a position as a lab technician, preferrably in virology or cell culture, that pays as much as possible. i want as many days off as i can get and, let me tell you now, i will be taking every single one. i want to work alone so that i dont have to talk to any scientists. i am not interested in a career with the chance for advancement because i wont kiss enough butt to advance anyway. i refuse to work late or come in on weekends so dont ask. preferrably i will have my own office so i can nap for lunch and i need my own lab so i can avoid human contact the rest of the day as well. please only submit daily instructions to me via e-mail because i am not a morning person by any stretch of the imagination and i have trouble hiding it. i need a flexible schedule because i will be hungover at least one work day of almost every week. i have to work at a compay within 5 minutes of a bar because when you jerks inevitably get on my nerves, i will be hitting happy hour as soon as i can skip out for the day.

i can be contacted blah blah blah.... and i hope to hear from you soon.

iPod

iPod is a word i used to use with disgust. i would call the people who used iPods 'iPodders' or 'pod children'. i couldnt imagine how someone became so attached to their music that they would want to carry it around everywhere with them, shunning general human interaction in favor of their personal soundtrack.

you can probably guess what this is all leading up to. i have become an iPodder. and its crazy because i dont even like music. i have no idea about anything in the music industry after like 2001. i have bought less than 25 CDs in my lifetime (which look really silly in my 60CD changer). I'm just not a music person. when i am home i use the TV as background noise, when i am out i usually just enjoy the sounds of the city.

my taste in music is a little embarrassing. i really like motown and 90s pop/rnb songs. i like old reggae and older mainstream rap. the closest thing to 'cool' that i ever listen to is two-years-ago underground hip hop. so what i think i like most about my iPod is that i can be walking down the street listening to Marian Carey 'always be my baby' and noone would know it. its like an inside joke. no matter how i dress or seem to everyone else, i can be listening to the most dorky song ever written and loving it. its a simple pleasure.

what i dont like about using my iPod is how it blocks out the world. i dont realize when someone is addressing me, i cant talk on my cell phone at the same time. also, i cannot sing along with these corny songs i love. that has to be the worst part. so you can catch me iPoding it up for a while, then getting bored of it in about a week and only using the thing at the gym. Just dont ask what i'm listening to. i assure you, you dont want to know.

senioritis?

its senior year... are we having fun yet?

i really expected senior year of college to be a lot like senior year of high school: care free and occasionally irresponible fits of fun and spontaneous jubilation. instead i'm stressing. where will i live? where will i work? how will i deal with these added responsibilities? and, before i get too ahead of myself, i gotta graduate! i'm focusing on boosting my gpa, researching job options and learning about cover-letters and networking and benefit packages. its pretty overwhelming. and to top it all off, i'm flat broke. all the money i blew living it up these first four years is coming back to haunt me and my budget for fun is dwindling close to $0.

up until now, i have looked forward to each new stage of life. i looked forward to the new responsibilities and the freedoms that came along with them. but i am comfortable in this stage. i like the level of responsibility, i like the freedom, and i am not looking forward to this year being over and being thrust into the 'real world'. all this is further detracting from any possibility of fun.

i wish i had some nice, insightful solution to conclude with like i always do. but i am really just unhappy. i dont think the situation is any better than i imagine it to be. i'm 21, the best age there is to be. i can do what i want. i can still chalk up my mistakes to my youth, i am still allowed to procrastinate, be a little messier than i should be, forget things, pretend to forget things, and have it all be excused on the basis of my not being a real 'grown up" yet. but its pretty much all downhill from here...

growing up (summore)

i was thinking last night in my many hours of not being asleep (the insomnia thing is nuts). i was thinking about how my life will be after graduation. i got to wondering how a person is supposed to learn all the things a real adult needs to know. things about car inspections and mortgages. those important responsibilities that will eventually come my way. understanding my benefits package, saving for retirement, doing my own taxes, buying a car, buying a house, car insurance and insurance for my home... it seems like a never-ending list of things i dont even remotely know how to do. i was pretty prepared when i came to college, i believe moreso than a lot of people. i was always an independant person and i had a lot of life experience already, good and bad, to learn from. i was pretty in tune wtih who i am and what i was capable of and through the past 4 years i have learned even more. but it has been hard to learn these things on my own and, after i graduate, i will have to be even more independant. right now my parents pay my internet and phone bill and the interest on one of my loans. they also cover my health and dental insurance, occasionally buy me groceries, and usually do my laundry. they bought me my first and second car and always paid my car insurance. thats not to say that i am pampered. i have paid my own way through college, i worked three jobs my first year to keep myself afloat. i know how to change my own oil, i know all about my credit score, i have two little kitties that i take care of, i live by myself and i am doing pretty well on my own.

its not just about unerstanding those nitty gritty details of adult independance, its also about having the strength to really learn. my parents are very supportive and would help me in any way i asked. what will be important is to have the initiative to not just ask for help, but fully invest myself in learning these skills. when i ask my dad to help me find a car, i will have to pay attention to how he negotiates so that i can do it on myself next time. its just so much easier to let someone do something for you, but it takes effort to not let that be your downfall. to be truly independant you just cannot always be depending on someone else to do the hard things.

so now i am looking for a job, i guess the first thing on my list of things to learn is negotiating salary and benefits. i suppose the real lesson is to take things one step at a time and to utilize all the resources at my dispoal. last night, i felt really overwhelmed when i thought of all the things i would need to be in charge of when i finally graduate, but when it really comes down to it, i made it this far and i'm fine... how hard could it be?