if i had a super power, i just decided what i would want it to be. I would want the power to stop time... i guess its not all that super.
the thing is, i want to do so many things right now. i have a reading list thousands of pages long. i want to practice my writing. pracice my speaking. to just work on certain things i need to change to become a better individual in general. i want to take a lot of time to spend alone doing these things, but not have the rest of the world pass me by. and its not that i cant do them with my life proceeding as normal, but i dont have the patience for it. i have been working on the same book for over a week. i love it but i got so frustrated with it taking so long that i have started two other books since and now i am splitting my time between all three.
what prompts me to say this is that its thursday night, im 22 years old and 14 weeks from graduating college. there is no reason i should not go out tonight and have a good time with my friends. but i really want to stay at home and finish at least one of these books tonight. its a real conundrum. ha.
but if i had the power to stop time, i could stop the world and just go on for weeks reading and writing my days away, without classes or work or anything else to interrupt. then i could resume where i left off in the real world with all my new knowledge intact. you gotta admit it would be nice.
finally, i want to say that if my writing is a little convoluted right now, its because i am reading a novel that was translated from French. Translations are never perfect and what i read definitely affects how i write.
p.s. i think im gonna go out after all.
02 March 2006
28 February 2006
updates yet again
i feel like something important is going on with me right now, but i cant put my finger on it. however, i have decided to start blogging again so i will be right here and ready to document whatever it is that is on my horizon.
it is perhaps that i feel a lot less uncertain about things than i did a few months ago. I have a future roommate, we are moving in together either in april or may (i have decided that no matter what my employment situation, i will be in philly for another year). i have a job, a super-crappy job at rite aid, but a job nonetheless. if worst comes to worst it will pay my rent.
i have new uncertainties too, related to my last post. but these are exciting ones like where might i go to interior design school? setting up informational interviews with people in my field to learn what i need to do to achieve my goals. checking out a whole new job market for design professionals and hoping to get my foot in the door. all these things genuinely excite me, though, so i am way less anxious than i was when this term started.
i think i just have a general sense of contentedness. i was depressed for a long while and now that its lifted once again, i feel like i dont really have a care in the world. like i can count on everything working out in the end. boundless confidence.
so, that was extremely circuitous. it really doesnt have much to do with what i was saying in the beginning. i feel like something important is happening to me, unrelated to all those things. as soon as i figure out what, you (my few loyal readers) will be the first to know.
it is perhaps that i feel a lot less uncertain about things than i did a few months ago. I have a future roommate, we are moving in together either in april or may (i have decided that no matter what my employment situation, i will be in philly for another year). i have a job, a super-crappy job at rite aid, but a job nonetheless. if worst comes to worst it will pay my rent.
i have new uncertainties too, related to my last post. but these are exciting ones like where might i go to interior design school? setting up informational interviews with people in my field to learn what i need to do to achieve my goals. checking out a whole new job market for design professionals and hoping to get my foot in the door. all these things genuinely excite me, though, so i am way less anxious than i was when this term started.
i think i just have a general sense of contentedness. i was depressed for a long while and now that its lifted once again, i feel like i dont really have a care in the world. like i can count on everything working out in the end. boundless confidence.
so, that was extremely circuitous. it really doesnt have much to do with what i was saying in the beginning. i feel like something important is happening to me, unrelated to all those things. as soon as i figure out what, you (my few loyal readers) will be the first to know.
25 February 2006
For the Future
Im not the type of person who plans for the future. im a pretty morbid girl and never really expected to live this long (i feel ancient at age 22!). i dont think i can really count on tomorow so i dont really bother.
but senior year of college will force you to face your future, as certain or otherwise as it may be. i was terrified at the thought of spending my life as a biomedical engineer and nauseated at the thought of making a real decision, deciding what excited me and what i really wanted to do with my life. Something had been in the back of my mind for years, but i was afraid to admit it.
a good friend of mine and a great teacher says 'i believe in destiny, but destiny wont do all the work. you have to meet your destiny halfway. you have to seek it out'. For once in my life i feel like my destiny found me, and all it took was some mental preparation. I had been calling 2006 'the year of destiny' and it has exceeded its title already (its only february).
so if you have been wondering, i have decided to go into interior design. I have developed a real passion for beautifying interiors and i am confident that i will meet success. For at least the past two years, every time i walked into a room, the first thing on my mind is 'how can i make this space better?' and i dont think its that big a stretch from my degree in biomechanics and minor in ergonomics. i cant help but feel that some of my closest family friends will be dissappointed in me.
I come from a clan of scientists and technical professionals. But i recently learned that i also come from a mother who made the decision i was about to make. Who pursued a technical career to please her family but had always yearned for a more artistic profession. And who, at 48, still regrets the decision and wants something better for her daughter, even if it means a level of financial uncertainty. i love my mommy and 2006 still holds a lot of suprises for me. I will spend the next 10 months actively seeking out my destiny, keep your fingers crossed for me.
but senior year of college will force you to face your future, as certain or otherwise as it may be. i was terrified at the thought of spending my life as a biomedical engineer and nauseated at the thought of making a real decision, deciding what excited me and what i really wanted to do with my life. Something had been in the back of my mind for years, but i was afraid to admit it.
a good friend of mine and a great teacher says 'i believe in destiny, but destiny wont do all the work. you have to meet your destiny halfway. you have to seek it out'. For once in my life i feel like my destiny found me, and all it took was some mental preparation. I had been calling 2006 'the year of destiny' and it has exceeded its title already (its only february).
so if you have been wondering, i have decided to go into interior design. I have developed a real passion for beautifying interiors and i am confident that i will meet success. For at least the past two years, every time i walked into a room, the first thing on my mind is 'how can i make this space better?' and i dont think its that big a stretch from my degree in biomechanics and minor in ergonomics. i cant help but feel that some of my closest family friends will be dissappointed in me.
I come from a clan of scientists and technical professionals. But i recently learned that i also come from a mother who made the decision i was about to make. Who pursued a technical career to please her family but had always yearned for a more artistic profession. And who, at 48, still regrets the decision and wants something better for her daughter, even if it means a level of financial uncertainty. i love my mommy and 2006 still holds a lot of suprises for me. I will spend the next 10 months actively seeking out my destiny, keep your fingers crossed for me.
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