senioritis?

its senior year... are we having fun yet?

i really expected senior year of college to be a lot like senior year of high school: care free and occasionally irresponible fits of fun and spontaneous jubilation. instead i'm stressing. where will i live? where will i work? how will i deal with these added responsibilities? and, before i get too ahead of myself, i gotta graduate! i'm focusing on boosting my gpa, researching job options and learning about cover-letters and networking and benefit packages. its pretty overwhelming. and to top it all off, i'm flat broke. all the money i blew living it up these first four years is coming back to haunt me and my budget for fun is dwindling close to $0.

up until now, i have looked forward to each new stage of life. i looked forward to the new responsibilities and the freedoms that came along with them. but i am comfortable in this stage. i like the level of responsibility, i like the freedom, and i am not looking forward to this year being over and being thrust into the 'real world'. all this is further detracting from any possibility of fun.

i wish i had some nice, insightful solution to conclude with like i always do. but i am really just unhappy. i dont think the situation is any better than i imagine it to be. i'm 21, the best age there is to be. i can do what i want. i can still chalk up my mistakes to my youth, i am still allowed to procrastinate, be a little messier than i should be, forget things, pretend to forget things, and have it all be excused on the basis of my not being a real 'grown up" yet. but its pretty much all downhill from here...