growing up (summore)

i was thinking last night in my many hours of not being asleep (the insomnia thing is nuts). i was thinking about how my life will be after graduation. i got to wondering how a person is supposed to learn all the things a real adult needs to know. things about car inspections and mortgages. those important responsibilities that will eventually come my way. understanding my benefits package, saving for retirement, doing my own taxes, buying a car, buying a house, car insurance and insurance for my home... it seems like a never-ending list of things i dont even remotely know how to do. i was pretty prepared when i came to college, i believe moreso than a lot of people. i was always an independant person and i had a lot of life experience already, good and bad, to learn from. i was pretty in tune wtih who i am and what i was capable of and through the past 4 years i have learned even more. but it has been hard to learn these things on my own and, after i graduate, i will have to be even more independant. right now my parents pay my internet and phone bill and the interest on one of my loans. they also cover my health and dental insurance, occasionally buy me groceries, and usually do my laundry. they bought me my first and second car and always paid my car insurance. thats not to say that i am pampered. i have paid my own way through college, i worked three jobs my first year to keep myself afloat. i know how to change my own oil, i know all about my credit score, i have two little kitties that i take care of, i live by myself and i am doing pretty well on my own.

its not just about unerstanding those nitty gritty details of adult independance, its also about having the strength to really learn. my parents are very supportive and would help me in any way i asked. what will be important is to have the initiative to not just ask for help, but fully invest myself in learning these skills. when i ask my dad to help me find a car, i will have to pay attention to how he negotiates so that i can do it on myself next time. its just so much easier to let someone do something for you, but it takes effort to not let that be your downfall. to be truly independant you just cannot always be depending on someone else to do the hard things.

so now i am looking for a job, i guess the first thing on my list of things to learn is negotiating salary and benefits. i suppose the real lesson is to take things one step at a time and to utilize all the resources at my dispoal. last night, i felt really overwhelmed when i thought of all the things i would need to be in charge of when i finally graduate, but when it really comes down to it, i made it this far and i'm fine... how hard could it be?